If you say “I don’t need a man,” remove it from your vocabulary immediately. Black women have the tenacity, intelligence and dedication to carry themselves and whole families on their backs, but that’s not how it’s supposed to be.
It’s true that some Black women have had to fill the shoes of Black men in cases where the men have been removed from our community due to mass incarceration, where the men have chosen not to fulfill their responsibilities as fathers, or where the woman’s level of financial success has scared away some men based on his insecurity.
You know all too well the struggles a Black man must deal with, so don’t add unnecessary stress to his day. You can tell a man that you have an issue with him without getting loud or “turning up,” because it’s true that it’s not what you say, but how you say it.
Before you go off or catch an attitude, ask yourself: Is there a better way to say this? He may be more likely to listen, and if he doesn’t hear you out, then he lacks communication skills and not someone you should bother with anyway.
However, rooted in a white supremacy structure, White women are always assigned presumed innocence and purity, and it’s that very innocence that has gotten Black men wrongfully imprisoned or killed. Yes, but this comes from being a double minority; it comes from being oppressed not only by White people, but by the only other person you’d hope would understand oppression and not inflict it upon you, but does so anyway based on gender: the Black man. However, if a Black woman does get an attitude with you, ask yourself: Why? If you don’t, don’t expect bad behavior to be met with kind words and non-reaction.Stop saying how much you “don’t need a man” because this doesn’t impress anyone and it’s more likely to keep you from having a good one.When a man enters your life, he’ll see what you have going on, your intelligence and your lifestyle.The first step to fixing the problems between Black men and women is for both genders to own up to their faults.Read the comments section of any posts on interracial dating.It ties in historically with the above issues with White women traditionally being painted as more docile and Black women having to fill male roles that White women just haven’t had to fill. However, what about the man who does not have good leadership skills, the man, who if followed, could lead a woman astray, the man who is weak-minded and weak-willed, the man who is not a good man?