It’s best to make your phone a ‘no browse’ zone and the people in your life the ones most deserving of your attention.As for Greg and Helena, they are still together – as a family lawyer, I always urge any potential client to first sit down with their partner and try to find some resolution.’After four months, she agreed to meet the man at a coffee shop. ‘When I called back the following day, it was a woman warning me to stay away from her husband. My husband could so easily have found out and that would have been the end of things.’Even though many women do not get caught out, the impact on their marriage can be long-lasting. But any responsible solicitor should always advise couples to try to find a way to reconcile their differences, perhaps through counselling or just talking to one another.Karen got a terrible shock when a friend rang her to say he had spotted her profile picture on Tinder.‘I’d signed up to the site because my husband works away a lot and I was just at home, fed up,’ she says. Equally it is important to remember that what you see online and what happens in reality are two different things. The reality of Generation Swipe and the inexorable slide towards divorce is fathomlessly painful.It was not an envelope stuffed with grainy photos of some seedy tryst.Instead, he had the very modern and very real equivalent: a screen-shot of his wife’s profile on a dating website.I know she hadn’t physically been with another man but it was the secretive way it had gone on for months, and the fact that on some level she was looking for that kind of attention from someone else that I just couldn’t get over.’ As head of family law at a solicitors’ firm, I have become used to being handed computer printouts and hard drives packed with website screen-shots from clients who have been deeply wounded by their partner’s social-media activity There may well be some people who believe such behaviour, although regrettable, is hardly a reason to call time on a relationship. But it is, says Ammanda Major, head of service quality and clinical practice at marriage counselling service Relate.‘People do it behind their partner’s back, perhaps when bored, in need some comfort, or after a row with their partner,’ she says.‘So it is underhanded.
Ask yourself why your self-esteem needs such a boost.7 IT’S TIME FOR A REBOOTUse the discovery as a wake-up call to reboot your relationship, not call time on your marriage.hey are the words I have heard countless times in my two decades as a divorce lawyer: ‘My marriage is over.’ The voice of the well-spoken fortysomething businessman and father-of-three cracked over the phone as he explained how his wife had betrayed him.To make matters worse, when Greg discovered what Helena, a florist, had been up to, first of all she claimed it was ‘just a bit of fun’ and then said: ‘Nothing happened…Take Siobhan, for example, who realised she had let things go too far when she found herself sitting in a coffee shop just outside Leeds with a man she had started swapping messages with via an app. The only problem is that it has made me realise how unhappy I am in my marriage.Married with three children, the 38-year-old hospital administrator had taken a look online during a night out with girlfriends.‘We’d been talking about signing up for a laugh and seeing what all these men looked like,’ she says. I have a husband who isn’t here, and there are so many men out there who I could enjoy a much more fulfilling relationship with.’So why do people continue to take the risk?it was nonsense.’But her actions were, he insisted, unforgivable.