It just means you may not feel it like a lightning bolt when you walk into the First Date Café and that you should at least give it a chance to develop — even with people you may not consider your “type.” Why? Not the person “on paper” or in a vacuum, but on therelationship you can potentially build with someone.
“If you say, ‘Grandma, what’s the secret of your relationship?
“If you like him and have fun with him, that’s the only thing that matters, and following your gut can help you home in on what really turns you on,” Beyer explains. ]It’s fine to want to date a man who’s ambitious, but a title and paycheck doesn’t tell you anything about who someone is as a person, Beyer says.
His values—whether or not he wants kids, how commitment-oriented he is—are a lot more essential to a healthy relationship, adds Kate Stewart, a Seattle-based therapist and dating coach.
According to some dating experts, there’s a “picky” pandemic: women (and men, too, but to a lesser degree) with impossible-to-meet standards who wear their massive checklists on their sleeves. Look at the tales of divorce, infidelity, domestic violence, serially crappy relationships — not to mention uncomfortable weddings where you know something’s off and it probably won’t last. Yet they still, explicitly or reflexively, rule out (for example) short men, tall women or people with weird laughs.
The fix: “Falling in love requires bravery,” Beyer says.
Trust your own intuition: If your gut says yes to a second date with a sweet but socially awkward guy, then go for it, even if you know your BFF would scoff at his lack of game.
If any of the following scenarios apply to you, it may be time to adjust your standards to find the man you're looking for.
It’d be great if he connected with your crew, but worrying too much about how others will react to him makes it harder to figure out whether you like him, says April Beyer, a dating and relationship coach.
Who’s going stick by you to raise children, or when you get sick… That’s the characterstuff that only partially reveals itself on date #1.